Just this morning, I passed a milestone I have avoided for several, dozen years. I became an Official Southern Redneck. I used a flying object to hit an armadillo (see earlier post Immigration Alabama Style with photo). Yep. I threw a melted, Pier One Scented candle from my deck at a Fast and Furious un-native Alabamian armadillo giving it an obviously, noticeable limp. It might not have the thrill of parasailing, skydiving, or mountain climbing but that hit made me feel like an Olympic Gold medalist in that Mitt Romney accomplishment kinda way. How about that, I am an official armadillo target shooter! Move on over, Sarah Palin. I didn’t even need to get a license to chunk that Pier One candle. I had a sales receipt. So, there NRA.
Don’t you start calling me in contempt like you did Eric Holder, Rep. Issa, you don’t know a thing about my paperwork. I have an executive order saying, it is none of your darn business what me and my decorator think works best for ambient lighting on my deck. I can tell you that multi-purpose accessories are my expertise. Take that NRA. What you gonna do, take my Green American Express card away from me? Have at it! ‘Cause I get flyers from Citi bank, Wells Fargo and Bank of America every blame day offering me more.
Before you all go crazy like that relative in the attic who spends his days and nights watching Fox TV, I don’t agree with Fast and Furious. I think it is awful that one of our US Border agents got killed but I think that taking the steps to hold Our Attorney General, Eric Holder in Contempt for not turning over even more than the 8,000 documents that he already gave y’all that are none of your durn business is going too far in the wrong direction. It reeks of political crap, stinking to high heaven. You guys up there in Washington need to get you some of that plug-in air freshener cause that stuff will choke a mule and an elephant with one cartridge. Seriously, that stuff is strong.
I am against Fast and Furious because I am against guns. Assault rifles and matching gun accessories are not for public consumption. Weapons need to be for Law Enforcement and the Military. Bubba doesn’t need a high power assault weapon to take down an armadillo. I just proved that this morning, a melted wax Pier One autumn scented candle left over from Thanksgiving, did the trick. Arizona needs to open some Pier Ones.
Don’t start telling me I am NOT a Redneck because I am against the NRA…to use the lingo, I done proved to yuuouuuu, I am an Official Southern Redneck. How many armadillos yoouuuu done hit before breakfast? So thererrre. Kiss my big, camo-tennis skirt, wearing REAR.