Will someone, please, tell me what I saw last night. I cannot believe I saw what I think I saw.
For several weeks since the Republican debates finished and Newt and the gang went to obscurity of Fox News, I have been sort of sad, maybe even depressed. I longed for a lively RNC convention of old, with Sarah Palin, John McCain, meaney beanie Dick Cheney and that ever giggling George Bush. I worried the moments of humor had passed.
Lo, the Lord must have heard my sobbing. He gave me joy. The moment , I saw the stage, designed by Willadean of WalMart, I knew I was in for a treat. First , Ann Romney and Chris Christy showed their true colors and opinions of Love, then Paul Ryan showed up to redefine the meaning of honest. I thought ok, this event is not going to have the glamour of Sarah Palin and her dysfunctional Family on stage stepping over moose droppings so as not to ruin the expensive shoes they selected from Neiman Marcus, but I could live peacefully knowing that charming, wild-life, loving family had entertained me for years. I could accept the message of this year’s convention, Love that We can Change It because We Built It.
And then the BIG night arrived and what to my wondering eyes did appear, an empty chair. I could not make this stuff up if I tried. Poor Michael Moore must have felt so foolish, after he saw the whole debacle unfold, I will have to go back and see the CNN interviews again, where he almost scared me into believing that the Republicans had their S#it together this year. Boy , I hope they re-interview him soon. Even Michael Moore did not see this coming!!!!
Wow. Marco Rubio, was a complete dud for the Repubs, but for me he was a strange fellow who, although reminds me of Mario, I had high hopes for something substantial. If I had been the kinda of ambulance-chaser-type, I bet I could have gotten him to register as a Democrat right there on the stage. I hate to tell that poor man, but his dreams would not have come true if he lived in my state of Alabama or Arizona for that matter. Mistake number one on his part was mentioning Cubans and skipping any reference to the Hurricane Victims in Louisiana. Bad Form. I certainly can understand, why he wanted to get off that stage fast. It was a stage resembling a sinking ship. I wonder if it was registered in the Cayman Islands?
Well, the then main guy, Mitt Romney gets up to give us his all, except the tax returns. Mitt’s speech and style reminded me of the stewardess seatbelt speech, minus the anticipation of arriving at a new destination. My inflight jitters were getting to me , I was ready for the pretzels. Instead , I had to watch the on “bored” movie. Lord help us, I prayed.
It dawned on me about 20 looooonggggg minutes into the speech, that the huge room was filled with old white men. I had to ask, “Where was the Metamucil Lounge?” Mitt kept the image going for me with his use of the word elimination twice in the same paragraph.
Enough of the description, now the analysis. Mitt Romney wants me to vote for him after that example of poor decisions? Not in this lifetime. The Republicans cannot possible spin that horror show. Mitt failed his test of convention leadership. It was the biggest day in his life and he let every yahoo with a microphone announce their candidacy four and one half years early. Mitt had veto power over the event. Surely someone could have suggested something else for Clint Eastwood to offer the campaign. Who ok’ed the chair? I told you weeks ago Mitt, I could help you with this campaign, you should have taken my offer. I could have prevented this nightmare in Tampa during the height of hurricane season.
How much moolah did they waste on this ridiculous event? I cannot wait for this WHOLE thing to play out on “Veep” or “Newsroom” on HBO next season!!! A good laugh never dies. President Obama, the bar has been set, Make my day!