I am not inviting you to my Birthday Party.

If you have every been around kids for any length of time, you recognize those words. This is the ultimate threat. Mean kids melt at the sound of those words. The seeds of revenge are born. Forget it,  once uttered there is no retreat from those words of pain.

Well, telling people directly that they are … , …., …. … , on Facebook, is simply not cool. You just don’t do it. My students would tell you right fast speaking the truth as you think you know it, directly to anyone on Facebook is the quickest way to get your computer privileges suspended by adults. No one in their moments of calm and contemplation would ever publicly air their dirty laundry. Interestingly enough,  the last sentence makes me laugh because, I have opened the window on my steamy anger many times. In fact if you are reading this blog, it is because I couldn’t sit back and let the cr@pola I kept hearing from my very ultra-religious conservative nieces get in the way of the truth. I found my salvation on the pages of WordPress.

Funny, but my basic rantings and musings have garnered me a wide audience that stretches around the world. When I look on my WordPress map, I feel joy and awe for the people who have taken the time to read one of my posts. It is like throwing a message in a bottle and sending it out into the ocean and wondering if anybody will stumble upon it. It does me good to say what I want to say.

Now comes the part of the post where, I give free, unsolicited advice. If you have a beef with someone who might listen to it, especially a relative, go ahead and call them.  If you have been wronged and you think it won’t matter if things are expressed, then express away but do it in a semi-private place that the insulted one will not have the courage to locate. I have no regrets to the members of my family I have outcasted over the years. It certainly was their loss. However, if you tend to have weak moments of resolve, you’d be better off holding back some of your more explosive personality parts. I speak from authoritative experience. Look, if you don’t like what I am saying, go call a therapist and they will gladly take your 200 dollars an hour to vent at the things you feel are soooooo pooopie important that no one else will understand. “Get over yourself,” as my students so frequently advise the  birthday party deniers.

I actually have a relative, who I take after quite a bit, and their response to any umbrage that might have been given on their behalf is to “Un Friend” said relative or acquaintance. Works for me. Know that it leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth of readers, when you fail to remove the poorly described FB entry before you hit the unfriend button. Be sure to take a sec and remove offending comment or risk criticism of rather unkind proportions. {That important information was worth repeating in consecutive sentences, get off my back, my dear editor friends, if I was pretending to be J. K. Rowlings, then I’d say, “Have at it”, but I ain’t Hermione here.} All the more to point fingers at, my dear! I believe I got that from Disney’s movie, The Harlot and the Hound or something like that, you know Disney is big on alliteration. Not to be called out as a hypocrite, I have tossed my fair share of pain-in-the-tush-FB friends and relatives, but they are a dime a dozen to me. I could care less because I have WordPress to let me get my humorous replies out. Gives a whole new meaning to RSVP…Read Said Venom Please. It keeps me smiling when before I was rather SAD…Seriously Acting Demonic. You will never see me, seething again, WordPress has changed my life. If want to bring  it to the attention of others that someone was stupid, I go right ahead. Now I am smart enough to know there are consequences to my freedom of speech, and I  would never use real names of my amusement, but every time I think of those that deserve my special kind of attention or when I see them try to take the parking place I was patiently waiting to use at the grocery store, I get a good feeling knowing that their particular brand of meanness, has been exposed and delivered by my posts around the world to amuse others. Naturally, I am smart enough to know not to incite folks as well, with some stupid remark, I felt that part was now a new necessity to add in some fashion to my post since I saw on my WordPress map, some of my readers are from Muslim countries. Seriously I don’t have a clue why anyone would want to read my stuff from a country that has more serious problems than  listening to me describe my crazy family and friends, and a few others on occasion. Nothing I write is worth getting all upset about, most of the time it barely manages to be literate. I love the comments I get from people who are so kind as to send me nice messages that say, “I am stronger because of your ability to share your encounters with difficult people.” To which I happily reply ,”You are welcome because I am a difficult person myself, so I know how to pick the scab off  a wound as well as anybody. I can even tell when someone has had a little work done on those wrinkles or a little suction on those corn pons on the side of their legs and don’t want any one to know it. Keep reading, I post some good pictures sometimes.” I still remember from HS, the cheerleader that had her “puffs removed.” It was so long ago, they called it experimental surgery. Not that I would ever friend that chick, but I did check out her photos on FB and she needs a little more work done, but don’t let me be the one to tell her. Let her go around and look all aged for all I care. Y’all don’t ask me about her , cause my real lips are sealed.

Do you really think it is important to vent your views to those that really have not asked your advice? Admittedly, that is a tough question for me. I LOVE to give advice. I’d give advice 21 hours a day, I figure that is plenty, besides,  a girl needs some, Me Time, to get her gossip together. I am all about truth. I love free speech. The need to appreciate your audience and your intentions always needs to balance your outburst, um I mean, free speech. Don’t preach to those that have more knowledge about their lives than you do. Seems pretty apparent to me. My students know that you never un-friend someone , because then you might have one less number on your profile page and not having 1,763 FB friends is a sign of  cyber-unpopularity. Megan Sue the cheerleader, with the biggest pom poms shakers on the team which hides her flaws, lets everyone be her friend on FB that’s why she has 5,921 friends. Some things never change, and I bet she invites everyone to her Birthday Party. Something to ponder, till my next blog post.

This entry was posted in family, humor, Uncategorized, words of wisdom and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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