Candy Crush …the new Republican Dental Plan

Candy Crush has saved my sanity. When Republicans took to the media air giving us all their many reasons, which actually really only boils down to one, to explain the evils of Obamacare, I turned to Candy Crush. Yeah, that is right  (one of the few times you’ll see me use that word). Candy Crush took my attention away from the realities of a Government Shutdown. Instead of reading about the poor Mom trying to find child care for her small preschooler, while she cleaned other people’s houses, due to her son’s teacher being furloughed simply because the Head Start Program couldn’t afford to keep her, I smashed me some hard electronic candy images.

Who could possible forget Ted Cruz droning on for 21 hours and screwing up the meaning of our national treasure Green Eggs and Ham? I found my solace in combining four-of-a kinds that transformed into striped candy row annihilators. I love the little red kidney bean-shaped red ones that turn into big Red and White Crushers. Maybe it is because I am a Crimson Tide Football Fan, but I find Crimson my go to color.  Green ones reminds me of English peas; they seem so Republican. Think about it, no one really likes green candy except those little old white-haired ladies who wear those little plastic hair coverers in the rain so as not to mess with their Texas Big Hair fresh from the Beauty Parlor, they love spearmint and sour limes. Eek. Republican are so fine tuned to the color of green, they even have a golf tournament that gives out Green Jackets to the Winners  called affectionately, “The Masters.” They will do anything for the good old color of green, even deny sick children the ability to get cancer treatments at the NIH, unless strings are attached to the offer. “Gotta get Rid of AFFORDABLE health care at all costs,” says our Republican  friends and their bench warming cohorts, the Tea Partiers. I bet they even like Green tea. Not a fan myself, it tastes a little like what I think the turf at Football Stadiums must taste like. Note to self.. Call Coach  Les Miles at LSU and see if I am right.. there goes that word again.

Candy Crush is a free little diversion that allows you to eat as much pixellated candy as you can crush in five lives. If you run out of lives , no worries you can spend good hard earned, real money and buy some more, or you can take the budget conscious way and ask friends to give you health. If they’re so inclined they will share with you, all except my Republican friends. Those sorry Meanies try to wait your urges out and force you to buy  ammunition at the Yeti Shop, the Wal-Mart of Candy Crush Land,  or what ever it is called where you can buy the candy hammers, false teeth or weapons of mass candy destruction , all for $3.99. Is everything a game to those people?

You can hear their reasoning now for the Candy Crush Dental Plan. Look you won’t need to worry about anything. You won’t get cavities, you won’t gain weight, you can buy new lives, don’t ask us top 1%ers pay for your dental implants, you can buy false teeth; quit your whining. Heck you won’t even need Dentists because you can buy those little lollipop hammers and use them to bang out ‘cha of odontology. Now that is palliative care, if there ever was such stuff. Who needs a dental hygienist to clean your teeth with the Candy Crush Dental Plan?

Thank goodness the Republicans didn’t come up with a plan of their own for healthcare. Oh wait, they did. It was called Romneycare.

It all makes me want to line up all my little red candies and make me some chocolate sprinkle balls and find me some wrapped orange friends and bust a creme marshmallow or two. I need some strategy to break the bonds of the trapped candies, and move on to the next level.

By the way, Ted,  for your next public reading of bedtime stories on the taxpayer’s dime, how about Yertle, the Turtle. I can translate from the Pond if you need some help. To my dismay, I guess Harvard can even graduate a fool who doesn’t get irony or metaphor.

All this is too sad to think about. Hope I get a Super Crush, I love to see those little jelly fish swim across the screen and eat up the ugly green things.

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